Dear Teenage Children--
Let me explain a little something about the way things are going to work around here.
1) You're life is not that difficult. It's not that difficult because I work my tail off to make it that way. I do know what your life is like, mostly because I have already done it already.
2) Being asked to clean up the mess you had a hand in making is NOT the same as working an 8+ hour day, even if you do think all I do is type on the computer and take calls.
3) I deserve to be able to purchase a can of Pringles Monday night and have that same can of Pringles be unopened in the pantry Tuesday morning.
4) I demand that when I open the drawer where the can opener is kept, that the can opener be IN that drawer. Not in another drawer, not on the counter across the room, certainly not in your bedroom.
5) My social life is as important to me as yours is to you. Possibly more so as the rare times that adults can all clear their schedule at the same time to see each other sometimes is the only thing remotely linking me to sanity.
6) I deserve a clean house. As there are 6 of us here, I should, mathematically, have to do 1/6th the work. Doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash are NOT enforcing slavery in our home. These are life skills that you WILL need. Because I do not intend to continue to clean up after you when you are 30.
7) I get to swear. You don't. It's one of the few perks of adulthood.
8) Never, ever, ever tell me to "Hold up". You have excellent vocabularies and are capable of using the manners you display for total strangers for me as well.
9) You have a curfew. I don't. Again, adulthood. When I tell you to be in at 10, that means 10, not 11:37. Don't call me at 9:59 and ask if you can stay longer. Use your fully loaded smart phone (that I PAY for) to call me when your plans change. And answer that stupid phone when I call you. It's for my convenience, not your crazy texting habit.
10) Understand that I am trying to raise smart, capable, independent adults. I get frustrated with you because I love you more than can be measured and a flippant attitude just reminds me how thankless the job of Mom is. Know that parenting you now is infinitely more confounding than when you were tiny and that I am just as clueless as you.
11) You will call me one day and thank me for all of this.