I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather. This week, I’m enclosing a story from my first book and answering a question from one of my male readers. I received several letters that were very similar- about what to do when dating someone that is quite a bit older or younger. Is there enough in common? Should they end the relationship, and listen to family members that don’t approve? They asked if something like this ever happened to me. Well, I wrote a little story about this in my first book, ‘Still Single.’ Here’s a bit of the story..
‘The Older Mr. Wonderful’
I was in my early twenties, at a singles party with one of my girlfriend’s. I was introduced to a man who was twenty years older than me. At the time I felt that he was the ‘man of my dreams.’ I was always attracted to older men. Age never mattered to me. He introduced himself and told me all about his life. He was married for 25 years and was divorced a year before. He was ‘newly single.’ He had two grown children. One was in her twenties and a teenage son. He spoke of his ex-wife in such a unique way. He was kind. He only spoke highly of her. He said he still loved her but the divorce was his fault. He was never home. He worked a lot. He said she fell in love with the family dentist and left him. I felt sorry for him.
I dated this older distinguished man for over two months. We went out to movies, theater, out to dinner, rented movies, he cooked dinner for me, and spent almost every day together. I was crazy about him. My friend’s disapproved. They thought I should be with someone closer to my age. I continued to date him. It was my life. I would continue to date him and enjoy his company.
We shared wonderful times together. He enjoyed my sense of humor. I enjoyed his personality, his smile and everything about him. He won my heart. It felt like it was a ‘one-sided love.’We held hands, but I could tell he wasn’t over his wife. He cried when he spoke about how he missed her. He never wanted to have more children. He wanted me to be with someone that wanted to start a family. He thought he couldn’t raise more kids. On our last date, he told me all this on the way home. He was going fishing the following weekend with a divorced buddy of his. I knew he was pushing away. He was afraid to get close and afraid to give his heart to another woman. He asked what I wanted out of life. He was trying to get over his divorce. He knew how I felt about him. He told me he wanted me to be happy. He was looking for a ‘companion’ and 'friendship.' I felt sad. He told me I would be, ‘A wonderful mom' someday and I would 'Make one lucky man a wonderful wife.’ I thanked him for his compliments.
The following week he called me after he got back from his trip with his buddy. He told me the ‘real’ reason he couldn’t date anymore is that I reminded him of his beautiful daughter and he can’t date his daughter!
I couldn’t believe ‘Mr. Wonderful’ had said that to me. He felt like he was more like a father to me. I didn’t feel that way. The age difference didn’t matter to me at all. I sent him copies of the pictures we took together with a card that read:
“Enjoyed our time together. I need my college tuition by next week.”
Thanks again.. Debbie
Dear Debbie Sue, "I’m a 23 year old guy that’s been dating a 45 year old woman for three months. I am in love with her. I live with my father and he doesn’t want me with her. He won’t let me talk about her in front of him. Not sure what to do. He’s been telling me he won’t see me anymore if I continue to date this woman. He knows I want to be with her and move in with her. I don’t want to have to choose between my father and this woman. I want them both in my life. I plan to marry her. What should I do?" Rich
Dear Rich, Congratulations that you found someone special to spend your life with. I would continue with your relationship. You're old enough to decide for yourself who you spend your time with and who you marry. It's your life. Explain to your father that you’re in love with this woman and you would like him to be happy for you and you want him to be a part of your life. He may not want you to bring her around his home for a while. But, I have a feeling that once he sees how happy you are with her, and that she’s the woman your going to spend the rest of your life with, he’ll come around eventually. Hopefully, you’ll all be sharing the holidays together. Good luck to you!
Until next time.. “Keep Smiling”
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Visit Debbie on her website at: www.stillsingle.org
Meet Debbie on January 19that Perla Café’ 1813 Dempster St. in Evanston at 7pm for an ‘Evening of Comedy, Music & Spoken Word.’