In Praise of Mom Friends

It has taken me eleven years and four kids to make Mom Friends. 

Shocking, right?  I grew up in a family that has always cherished and celebrated the girl friend.  My daughter is named for two of my Gram's best friends, My Aunt Pat and my Auntie Rosie.  My mom once convinced all of her mom friends to dress up in cheer leading uniforms and perform our halftime routine at my 5th grade "homecoming" game, without a drop of liquor involved.  Both my aunts have girl friends that have been with them through every step of motherhood.  But I have struggled in this department.

It's not that I don't have friends.  I have a fantastic on-line group of girls from all over the country that would drop their own lives in a heartbeat if I needed them, and I would do the same.  I have childhood friends that I have kept close in my heart, and adult friends that I have made over the years, but until about a year ago, I did not have Mom friends.

On the rare chance I had to stand in line at the playground at school drop off, I usually just stood their uncomfortably as the other moms gathered into their circles.  With my two oldest kids, I was that young mom that the other moms thought was the nanny (at best).  My third child is that "quirky kid" that the other kids tolerate, but don't really seek out to hang with.  Chatting with that mom is just uncomfortable.  I get it. 

But now, with my youngest child, I'm finally in one of those circles and it's kind of awesome.  I don't have to pretend to be interested in my phone while the other moms make play dates and coffee dates.  I know which kid belongs to which mom, who the best friends are and all the moms actual names instead of just "Harry's Mom".  Our school carnival was the other night, and for the first time in many years, I had fun, standing and laughing with some very lovely, smart, funny ladies who know how to make standing at the school carnival after a long week more fun than it probably should be.

I've also gotten perspective.  Talking the the moms the other night, I learned that I wasn't alone in finding my place in the mom social circle.  That we'd all struggled some.  At one point we speculated about what the other parents must be thinking of us, standing under a tree, letting our kids run amok (in a controlled setting), laughing like fools.  One of them said they were all thinking "Look at those cliquey B****es".  Then two of us started proclaiming "We are FINALLY Those Cliquey B****ES!"  And it felt good.

So, Melissa, Stacey, Leslie, Beth & Liz, thanks for becoming my mom friends.  May there be many more school carnivals that may or may not contain secret thermoses.

And if you are still looking for mom friends, sometimes, you just have to be patient to find the right moms.  They are out there and have been waiting to meet you, too.