After a long, hot, lovely summer in Evanston, the windows are now open to the fall-like temperatures. It’s such a liberating feeling. No more air conditioning. No more stuffy house. No more…oh shoot…I forgot…now the neighbors can hear everything.
It’s not like we’re doing anything untoward here, but it just takes some getting used to. Call me sensitive, but I care that our neighbors might overhear the shenanigans going on in our Evanston household.
For instance, our middle-schoolers (at Nichols) and our 3rd grader (at Washington ) had a little “celebration” at dinner last night over the fact that both schools’ principals are pregnant. WHAT? How did District 65 allow that?! (Seriously, congratulations to both Principal Kate Ellison of Washington Elementary School and Principal Sarah Mendez of Nichols Middle School).
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After the pregnancy party, we called our cousin Charlie in Kansas City to wish him a happy birthday. I’m sure the neighbors appreciated the rousing rendition of Happy Birthday sung by the Wolfs: unfortunately, only two of us are qualified to sing publicly, and I am not one of them. Let’s just say, when I hear about the performers rehearsing for Backstage Evanston, I’m in awe of the stunning talent concentrated in one Chicago suburb. To all my neighbors who may have overheard our call to cousin Charlie (and to cousin Charlie himself), I offer my sincere apologies.
What followed can only be described as the nightmare that is the Oh-my-God-what-do-you-mean-you-kids-still-have-homework-at-8pm shriek, uttered simultaneously by my husband and me to not one, not two, but to all three of our kids. The tone we took was a cross between feral and…oh Hell, it was purely feral.
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Here’s what I can only guess neighbors heard while walking their dogs past our house last night. I trust you’ll be able to figure out who said what:
“I said I’m COMING!”
“I’m not going to ask you again.”
“ONE!”
“Oh! Turn up that song! I love that song!”
“Does anyone know if we still have Girl Scout cookies?”
“TWO!”
“Mrs. Ellison is soooo pretty.”
“I think she’s having another girl.”
“DO YOUR HOMEWORK!”
“Where’s my nasal spray? I think my allergies are acting up…”
“You should have asked for that before you started your homework.”
“Has anyone fed the dog?”
“THREE!”
“Where’s the wine?”
“How many more days are left before winter break?”
“If you get up one more time…”
“Can I just get a glass of water? I’m really…oh shoot, can I have a paper towel? I just spilled this milk all over the ---"
“These are your children…”
THAT’s IT!
I mean, that’s really all that needs to be said about a household like so many across the Midwest, opening its windows to let in the fresh, cool air of September...
