Freezer of Dead Animals Broken Into, Stolen Toilet Brush

A look at unusual crimes in our Patch region this week.

Local police departments provided the following reports. In all incidents where an arrest occurred, a charge is merely an accusation and not evidence of guilt.

Police responded to a burglary at Skokie storage facility. According to the report, a toilet brush holder, a DVD of the television show Scrubs and other items were reported missing.

A women told Skokie police that she was working in the drive-thru line at a restaurant when a woman approached her and said, “You stupid b****! You gave my boyfriend an STD!” the report said.

The woman then allegedly threw a large chocolate shake at the Portillo’s employee. The shake hit the woman’s chest and splattered all over her, the report stated. A struggle between the two ensued, but employees broke up the scuffle. The woman who threw the shake fled the scene. No arrests were made.

Someone broke into the Glencoe Public Works facility and cut the lock on the large freezer-shed that public works uses to store deceased animals. Glencoe keeps dead animals like road kill frozen in the shed until they’re picked up and properly disposed of.  Police have yet to find the attempted burglar.

A 64-year-old from Winnetka was pulled over while driving in Glencoe. According to police, he was drinking a cup of Maker’s Mark whiskey while driving the car. He was charged with improper lane usage, a light violation and driving under the influence of alcohol.

Police reported a six-foot wooden fence was pulled from a Des Plaines front yard and thrown into a wooded area across the street. A dead end sign owned by the city was also pulled from the ground and thrown into the wooded area.


Harold Chasten September 01, 2012 at 11:20 AM
What German children? Was that a joke? Who writes this crap?
Emily Stone (Editor) September 01, 2012 at 12:32 PM
Hi Harold, it was a reference to Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel, who also got swallowed up by the woods. Sorry you didn't like it.
Harold Chasten September 01, 2012 at 12:50 PM
Wow that is a really far reach for a joke. I absolutely didn't get it. Ok.
Suzanne Daley September 01, 2012 at 03:09 PM
Lighten up everyone, these are not easy crimes to write humorously. Emily does a fine job each week, I'm a big fan! @Harold, why don't you offer a wittier suggestion, instead of a rude complaint?
Walter White September 01, 2012 at 03:40 PM
Yes, well it may be prudent not to joke about missing children in the future. Just a thought.
Lois A. MacAdam September 02, 2012 at 12:53 AM
I didn't get it either and I thought I was smarter than that. Better luck next time.
Gregg Baker September 02, 2012 at 04:39 AM
Emily, take heart. I love most of your jokes. Every baker burns a pie once in a while. So, not to worry. You still have fans!!! I did get the joke...(I didn't laugh...but I got the joke) At least you don't have to have "flop sweat" in front of a large audience. And you can always delete the hecklers online without having to pull a Kramer. We have gotten soooooooooooo overly sensitive that I heard a story on the radio last week that talked about a deaf child named Hunter who was no longer allowed to use American Sign Language to sign his name because one of the gestures is similar to a gun. We may have lost our minds....so good jokes, bad jokes, keep 'em coming.... By the way, next time if you are stuck how about a headline that says "Lost your sense of humor? Search here"
Gregg Baker September 02, 2012 at 04:46 AM
Apparently Jerry Springer must have been in town and doing a show at Portillo's. Those two lovely young ladies were simply Springer's guests. The assailant who escaped ran over to the Maury Povich show to be on the "Who's the Daddy?" segment.
Harold Chasten September 03, 2012 at 01:45 PM
Patch needs better writers. It's a joke. What with the spelling errors and out of touch writers... Are you guys being paid or is this all volunteer? Get in touch with the world and take your job seriously. Pathetic.
CB September 05, 2012 at 05:55 PM
Harold: You should consider resuming your medication. Get back inside your house and quit telling the neighbor kids to get off your porch. You are the one that is out of touch, you old coot!
CK September 26, 2012 at 01:32 AM
Are you getting ready to write some great jokes and humor about future murder cases? Since when is crime humorous? Got any good ones about rape? Another thing that isnt humorous is stupidity.
CK September 26, 2012 at 02:04 AM
Stone should be sorry she wrote it, not that somebody else didnt like it. As expected, throws the negativity on the complainant. Usual journalistic technique from a dying occupation bereft of substance. Well, Emily, any MTV type jokes on the murder in Evanston?
CK September 26, 2012 at 02:07 AM
There were no missing children. In fact some might make an argument that children wrote this article.
Paul January 13, 2013 at 10:01 PM
Writer lady, keep up good work. If some reader not get joke not mean it not funny.


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