Be the Bigger Person

I’m rarely at a loss for words, but during two recent weeks spent wondering whether a mass in my breast was benign or malignant, I found myself in constant “search” mode. I scoured the Internet for breast cancer statistics and courses of action, seeking reassurance from family and Facebook friends alike by posting all my worries. Most of all, I watched life go on for everyone in Evanston while I held my breath wondering about my expiration date. 

The good news for me is that the mass was found to be benign.

After learning this, one of my first emotions was guilt that I’d made a big stink over absolutely nothing. All this writing and worrying and sharing over a fibrous piece of my own tissue that’s just that: a piece of my own body.

During my two weeks of fretting, several friends and family members urged me not to worry until there was proof of cancer. “You’ll waste your time,” they said. “It’s not worth getting upset unless there’s something to be upset about.” “You’ll do more harm than good letting your mind go there….

I am who I am, though, and my mind went straight to the worst-case scenario: Stage 4, terminal breast cancer and only myself to blame; after all, I hadn’t had a routine mammogram for over four years. I couldn't understand how anyone could possibly keep a positive, calm attitude during such an uncertain time. 

And, even after I’d received the results from my doctor (the mass was deemed a complex, fibrous, benign mass), I remained shell-shocked. During that two-week worry mode, I completely retreated. I cancelled appointments, missed several outings, and offered excuses about avoiding public events. I ignored emails, let the phone go to voicemail, and slept like crazy. Was I depressed? I’m no psychologist, but I’d say yes. I felt lost, powerless, humbled and weak. 

That is, until this past Saturday. 

I was in my car, about to enter the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru at Dempster Plaza when two speeding cars veered straight toward me.

As they screeched into parking spots next to one another, Driver #1 exited his car and approached Driver #2. The two men stood inches apart, first shouting, then cursing, then throwing punches.

This was ten in the morning on a sunny Saturday morning.

In one motion, I rolled down my window and reached for my phone to dial 9-1-1.

“HEY!” I yelled.

They just kept on punching.

So, I slammed on my car horn and screamed: “KNOCK IT OFF!”

I am not kidding you: they stopped and looked up at me -- a suburban mom in her white minivan in the drive-thru donut lane. Their battle-pause was no more than a second until the punches resumed.

That’s when I dropped the phone, opened my car door and stood up. All five feet of me. 

“WALK AWAY!” I hollered. “Just WALK AWAY!” 

Driver #1 took one step back as Driver #2 hollered, “I swear to God, if you didn’t have kids in your car right now, I’d…”

“SERIOUSLY!” I yelled. “JUST WALK AWAY!”

All I could think in that moment was how insane this was: two grown men coming to blows over what appeared to be a case of road rage. Seriously?

Suddenly, Driver #1 got back in his car, peeling out of the parking lot. Driver #2 looked ready to jump into his car and take chase. 

“Don’t do it!” I yelled. For the first time in two weeks, I felt strong and sure. “Just be the bigger person.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “What an idiot!” he yelled, clutching the top of his head.

“I know,” I said, closing my car door. “You’re right. I’m glad you’re not an idiot, too.”

I can still feel my racing heart as I watched him looking around and shaking his head.

“You’re the bigger person,” I repeated. I rolled up my window and proceeded to the drive-thru, shaking as I pulled out my money. 

Their emotions got the best of them, and I knew that feeling all-too-well. Chances are, they knew better…but these things happen. 

When I felt out-of-control, my community stepped in and kept me from diving over to the dark side. In a really weird way, I suppose I got the chance on Saturday to return the favor...

Tell us: How have you helped someone who didn't take kindly to your input? How have you helped a community member?